Skip to main content

Are You A Bellend?

Some people are born bellends. Some have bellendness thrust upon them. Others achieve bellendness.

Are YOU A Bellend?

Take this quiz to find out.

1) Your Neighbour is washing their car. Do you:

A) Bid them good morning, then go about your business, leaving them to go about theirs.

B) Wonder why they’re going to the trouble of washing it themselves when those nice swarthy chaps down the road will do it for £4.

C) Shout “You can do mine next!” then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

2) It's lunchtime, and a colleague asks if you would like them to bring anything back from the shops. Do you:

A) Give them a fiver, ask them to get you a meal deal and get themselves something with the change.

B) Thank them, but decline as you’ve got some soup.

C) Shout “A bunch of fivers from the till!” then stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

3) A colleague asks if you’d like a beverage. Do you;

A) Accept their offer. The usual: black coffee.

B) Politely decline. You’re drinking too much coffee lately and it’s affecting your sleep and making you twitch.

C) Shout “Double gin and tonic!” and then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

4) A colleague tells you about their upcoming holiday. Do you;

A) Listen to their plan, and wish them a good vacation.

B) Engage with them, swapping anecdotes about a similar holiday that you’ve experienced.

C) Shout “Ooh, can you fit me in your suitcase?” then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

5) You find out that it’s a colleague’s birthday. Do you;

A) Give them a gift that you’ve carefully selected, like you do every year.

B) Contribute £3 to their collection.

C) Shout “21 again?”, not realising that this statement is absurd and illogical, then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

6) You hear someone singing to themselves. Do you;

A) Wish they’d stop, but feel secretly resentful that they’re expressing joy.

B) Think that it’s wonderful that they’re expressing joy.

C) Shout “I wondered why it’s been raining!” then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

7) You notice that your colleague has made a particular effort with their workday attire, donning a suit instead of the usual skinny jeans and open collar shirt. Do you:

A) Compliment them on their appearance. They’ve clearly made an effort and it’s nice for them to feel recognised.

B) Not mention it, but be mindful to treat them with a slightly elevated level of dignity and respect.

C) Shout “What have you got? A court date?” Then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

8) A colleague is at their desk 15 minutes earlier than their usual start time. Do you:

A) Not mention it at all.

B) Mention it in passing, but don't make a big deal of it. Offer them a coffee/tea.

C) Shout "Did you SHIT THE BED?" Then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

9) It's raining heavily on arrival to work. Do you?

A) Feel thankful that you'd placed a waterproof and an umbrella in your car, and then go about your day.

B) Think that it's yet more evidence of Climate Change, vow to do some more research into how your carbon footprint can be reduced.

C) Go up to a colleague, point out of the window, shout "Have you been singing again?!" then just stand there, grinning inanely, like a bellend.

How did you score?

Mostly A’s:

You might want to lighten up a bit. Let your hair down once in a while.

You’re not a bellend.

Mostly B’s:

If people catch you on a good day, you engage well, but you’ve got a busy schedule to maintain.

You’re not a bellend.

Mostly C’s:

You’re a proper bellend.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Uncharacteristically personal post. Delete if not allowed.

Definitely not a cry for help (I'm FINE), and not attention-seeking (well, no more than usual, any road) and I think I'm writing it to keep a record of it, and offload it: Better out than in (as my dear, sweet, grandmother would say). I've always loved an off-season seaside resort. I enjoy the melancholy vibe. I particularly love this stretch of Welsh *checks* Cambrian coast; the location of many happy family holidays with my parents, brother, aunt, uncle, cousins, and Grandad Evans, who I adored: Funny, mild-mannered, generous: a true role model. He died when I was 12; the first human death I experienced. I think of him often, in fact, every time I wash my face in cold water; something he did every night; he told me so in a holiday cottage not far from here, in Harlech; one of those trivial incidents and conversations which resonate for a lifetime. I've been melancholic for a while, particularly in the last week, where the deaths of people have made me think of mort...
Post a Comment
Read more

Biscuits for the Busmeister.

Trip to Warwickshire to see, and bring biscuits (Liebniz, Viennese Whirls, Fruit Shortcake) to my friend Robin Fearn, a.k.a Busmeister, a leading light of the VW T3 scene. Amongst the customer vehicles (Robin has just completed a PD 130 conversion to the recently reupholstered Doka on the ramp), we see his Carat which, when his client order book allows, will receive V8 might from a donor S6, and ride on Porsche Sport Design 18's. Also seen here, Robin's Massala Red panel van, recently converted to MK3 GTi 8v propulsion, the 16v's manifold being too large for the bay. Finally, we see a customer's Doka, with bespoke rear panels and a new A8 subframe, waiting in the paint booth, shortly to receive V8 brawn from an S8. More on Robin here: https://busmeister.com/
Post a Comment
Read more

Brummie cars, The Chemical Brothers, & Lulu.

These buildings are the last remaining structures of "The Austin"; Rover Group's Longbridge car factory,  where, at its peak in the mid-sixties, production reached c.325,000 units, now sitting amongst the new builds of a St Modwen housing estate, complete with mainly German or South East Asian-built cars on their drives. The tracks and paint vats of CAB1 (Car Assembly Plant) can be seen here, in a factory where thousands of workers from generations of families once built models such as the Austin Seven, MINI ( with Lulu driving the last classic Cooper off the production line in October 2000) , Metro, Allegro, 200, and in later years, the 75, and MG-F/TF. Following MG Rover's collapse in 2005, the site saw small-scale assembly until 2017, but now, Chinese state-owned car manufacturer SAIC, owner of the MG brand, operate only a technical facility in Longbridge, on the part of the site formerly known as the Q gate: the main factory entrance. The video for The Chemical Br...
Post a Comment
Read more