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Just to be serious for a minute: anyone taking children away to a seaside resort or similar this year should be aware of a substance called "Blue Sauce". I've witnessed first hand the chaos which ensues when a child is given a 99 Flake with sprinkles and blue sauce.  Blue Sauce, especially when combined with ice cream, Flake and sprinkles causes a huge rush of energy, euphoric mania, and irrational behaviour, before the user comes crashing down into a despondent state. Sure, it sounds like fun at first, but it's not worth it. The dealers seem affable, friendly, kind even, but they won't be there to pick up the pieces.  I'll be doing all I can to ensure that this scourge doesn't make its way from the coastal resorts to inner cities, via sophisticated county lines operations. Just Say No to Blue Sauce.

In this installation, (Collapsed Utopia) the artist explores the decline of two diametrically opposed ideologies: The aspirational detached house, a product of Thatcher's ruthless social mobility, sits with a Soviet-era Yugoslavian-built Zastava decaying on its unkempt drive.  The juxtaposition of these emblems, sitting in leafy, well-heeled Edgbaston is stark, jarring; uneasy;  totemic of Birmingham's post-industrial decline.  Or summat. 

In previous international tournaments, England fans would proudly display the St George Cross from their cars and houses. Some would happily paint their faces and skin with the national colours. St George Cross headwear would be sported. Look around you now; there's a distinct difference; a noticeable lack of such adornments in the run up to the England v Croatia game. My theory: In the post Operation Raise The Colours world, people who previously would have sported the flag happily, innocently, as an expression of support for their team are now reluctant to do so, for fear of aligning themselves with the toxicity of that "movement". In essence; their violent, thuggish campaign to display more England flags has resulted in the exact opposite.  Those stating this isn't hooliganistic behaviour would do well to view this clip ; Charles Manbun Hooligan Skipping down a Brighton Street with his grim bunch of henchpeople, inviting his opposition to tell them what they are ...

The Briggs & Stratton XC35 Classic (2007 model year). At full chat, its single cylinder 4 stroke powerplant pumps out a heady 3.5hp, ensuring that when you're mowing a lawn, that lawn gets MOWED, and STAYS mowed (until the next time it needs mowing). WHAT a lawnmower.

My father is a picklesman, and his father before him, so I have mixed feelings about dropping this jar of Mr Pullen senior's pickled onions on the kitchen floor. They're salvagable, and their aroma will serve as a reminder of my picklesman heritage, like when I spilled a jar over the upholstery of my brand new company car. 

Mixed feelings as I begin the process of putting Disgraceland up for sale, marking an end to my diplomatic presence in the troubled  North Birmingham region. The property (the name of which was agreed upon  after the originally proposed name* was deemed to be beneath the dignity of the office) served as my official residence during my time as Lord Mayor of Pheasey, as well as my home, which I shared with Jez Alsop, before we consciously uncoupled: indeed, this portrait hung in the reception room, much to the delight of guests and tradespeople alike. Many parties and receptions were held, where the great and good, the not so good, the not too great, and the downright terrible mingled with luminaries and notable figures from North Birmingham's music, literary, journalism, mercantile, politics, philanthropy and arts scenes. Indeed, the terms of the Brilliant Thursday Peace Agreement between Pheasey and KS were agreed in its hallowed rooms. It was not unus...

Loving this flyer from Fast Eddie's, the "Premier Nightspot" formerly known as the Bella Pais. Situated on the Beacon Road, it served as a convenient late night meeting point where the young citizens of Pheasey, Streetly, Aldridge, Walsall and KS would convene to trade commodities, and participate in robust debate amongst the numerous pool tables and cues. Fun fact: Karaoke host "Mad Ian" is now in an institution for the criminally insane.  That's what I heard anyway. Flyer from the private collection of Pheasey Lewis

This guy though. Fully expecting him to announce a policy of custodial sentences for people who put the milk in first, and fines for damp spoons in the sugarbowl (both policies I could wholeheartedly get behind, I should add).

"A rude, arrogant and entitled man who could not distinguish between the public interest, which he said he served, and his own private interest". But apart from that, he's sound, yea? I'm picking up some animosity from Trade Minister Chris Bryant, who called for Andy to be sacked as trade envoy multiple times in 2011, in part because of his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. He'll need some lint free gauze for THAT burn. Any deference to the Andrew formerly known as Prince is a thing of the past; his punishment so far (apart from the arrest) is for his name to become gradually less posh.  He'll be Andy Windsor by the time he gets in front of the beak.  

Just thinking; on May 16th, when the "patriots" are at the Unite The Kingdom Rally in London, wouldn't it be a jolly jape to remove  all the flags, while they're not looking. The beauty of this is: anyone who objects can't be a true patriot; if they were they'd be in London. Sort of like the witches ducking stool concept of yore, or a modern reboot of S chrodinger's Cat; Schrodinger's Racist, if you will. Just a thought, like. 

New The Apprentice drinking game: Take a drink every time someone: Incorrectly uses a reflexive pronoun: "That was myself, Lord Sugar" Says: "Price point". Says: "Thrown under the bus". Every time Lord Sugar is called away on "Urgent Business". Every time someone "Smashes it out (of) the park" 

Tommy Two-names acolyte Daniel Thomas (Danny Tommo) has publicly commented on the end of his bromance with the activist, sex doll rental pioneer, and co-founder of the OTRC "unity"  group Ryan Bridge, following a travel ban issued by the French Interior Ministry. Tommo, who described Bridge's post-break up comments as "sinister" announced the next stage of his campaign to save Britain: invading Dover on January 24th with his hastily assembled crew of football enthusiasts. Their Operation Overlord 2 c̶a̶s̶h̶ ̶c̶o̶w̶ campaign saw the dastardly duo taking selfies, dressed in matching Barbour (cute!) with damaged dinghies on French beaches, using some of the £100k (before tax) provided by supporters. The travel ban adds another country in which Bridge won't be able to holibob this year: The Spanish authorities have a few questions to ask regarding his involvement in a multi -million pound holiday insurance scheme. I can't help but think: if one...

The callow youth reading an article in Smash Hits about a Birmingham band called Fuzzbox would never have believed that I would know Tina socially all these years later.  Mad love for these pioneering, proto-Riot Grrrl Indie popstrels. 

Day 5 of the bird feeding programme: The Cath Kidston bird feeder lies broken, like an Erdington pub's toilet door. The fat balls have been claimed by the squirrels. The Magpies run amok, claiming the territory as their own, subjugating the wood pigeons.  An opportunistic Robin swoops down regularly, leaving chaos in its wake. I'm locked in a battle of wills with nature.  There can be only one victor. 

You know what they say: Out with the old (dishbrush), in with the new (dishbrush). Old Faithful has served me well this year: I'll forever hold dear the memory of how we tackled the great burnt-on pasta fiasco together, back in July. Good times. They become like part of the family don't they?  Still, it's time to cross the Rainbow Bridge to the Great Washing Up Bowl In The Sky. Rest In Fairy Max Power, steadfast old chum.  I shall never forget you.

UK firm Charge Holdings are further building on their strategic goal of creating a multi-brand, low-volume integrated automotive group by agreeing a strategic phased merger framework with TVR, and reviving the legendary Blackpool firm's V8 powered Griffith sportscar.  The new generation Griffith, developed and engineered by Gordon Murray and Cosworth, was first unveiled at the 2017 Goodwood Festival of Speed, but following a series of misfires by former video games developer Les Edgar, whose consortium bought the firm in 2013 following a disastrous 9 year stewardship by Russian businessboy Nikolai Smolenski, the car is yet to hit the road. The deal, which will initially see Charge Holdings board members joining TVR’s board, with new share capital issued to Charge Holdings, will be followed by the purchase of existing shares from current TVR shareholders. The boutique sports car brand will become a subsidiary of Charge Holdings, enabling both companies to sh...

In this subversive Kings Heath installation piece, the artist employs vulgar Anglo-Saxon profanity to express disapproval with the party's policies; the playful use of kerning is a knowing nod both to the lack of foresight displayed by, and characteristic of Reform-led councils, and a tacit acknowledgement of the nation's shift to the right. Medium: Sharpie; telecoms cabinet.

Whichever side of the flag debate you're on, can we all just agree this is hilarious? Christmas lights can't go up in Reform-led town because St. George flags on lampposts are a health and safety concern. Irony is alive and well in Kent, as is the law of unintended consequences. I laughed so much, I shared a GB News article. Merry Christmas, everyone.

An historic public house in Birmingham, designed by renowned architects and built before the advent of electricity, has reopened to the public following a £100,000 restoration. The Anchor Digbeth, which has been a fixture of Birmingham’s landscape since 1797, has been painstakingly restored to its former glory by new landlord Peter Connolly. Recognised by Historic England as a Grade II protected heritage site, the magnificent terracotta-fronted building was originally constructed to a design by James and Lister Lea - an architectural firm responsible for some of Birmingham’s most impressive Victorian-era public houses. A mainstay for Birmingham’s Irish community, including being owned by successive generations of the Keane family since the 1970s, The Anchor is located in the city’s Irish Quarter - home to countless generations of Irish emigrants and workers since the 1820s.  Peter Connolly, new custodian of The Anchor Digbeth, said: “It’s a pleasure to finally reopen th...

The craic is mighty in the newly relaunched Anchor in Digbeth. Celebrate the Irish Quarter of Digbeth by visiting, supporting, and maintaining the tradition of independent, authentic, Irish pubs.  A bastion of pubs; including the Spotted Dog, The Anchor, The White Swan. The resurgence of which is led by visionary publican Peter Connolley.